Why shouldn't the lil facebook dude be laughin'?

yes, Mark Zukerberg does suck, but so do you

So, you want to have your farmville and super-poke too, and all without even the trace of a smirk from the lil whipper snapper responsible as he logs on to the pleasing sight of his (net)bank account?

Yep, I know, I hate the smug little bastard as well...Bloody Mark Zuckerberg...he is barely old enough to drink and yet he's been hacking into the Pentagon database since he was but a wee tyke not even toilet trained.

Now, you almost beg him to extract every snippet of status info, all in creating a magnificent sidebar of attractive products placed just for you...including helpful ways to lose weight and get laid...all of which imply some kind of monetary or barter practice?

and yes, he's havin a laff...at your expense, though you think cos it's a free site there is no charge, but there's the whole thing of only having yourself to blame for that really.

From the reported conversation in question (though whether it was actually with anyone, seems rather suspect..)

Zuck: Yeah so if you ever need info about anyone at Harvard

just ask.

Zuck: I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses,

Zuck: People just submitted it.

Zuck: I don't know why.

Zuck: They "trust me"

Zuck: Dumb f--ks.

Well, in a nutshell, bloody oath those preppy college kids are dumb fucks, and he has every right to belittle this blind faith in the guy who created a glorified platform for obsessive ex lover's and nosy parents to spy?

But in fact, he has backed down since this smug little exchange, quoted as "absolutely" regretting being caught out...sounds pretty definite

Oh, but, hey: just in case this public lack of respect is the final dealbreaker for you, i hear farmville is shithouse anyways..but rumoured to make cameo appearance in upcoming movie bout ole marky mark. 

I say, hmmm, perhaps i misjudged the prosperity in shackin up with a plain ole doctor..but errr, might leave this lil one to his toys...

Why you'll always RSVP with SKANKFREE..(.com)!*

It was a cheap thrill during the height of the Sex and the City hey-day, but 5-10 years later is your promiscuity is only earning you a bad reputation, whilst insisting it is empowering?

Whilst once your "Cadbury's Girl" tag of gettin trashed in a gutter after imbibing a stoli (albeit, them black ones...) was endearing, people are now muttering under their breath now as they carry you over the marital threshold....

...and straight in front of a toilet seat for a night of unrequited passion and despair in a sea of swarming white porcelain and late night macca's remnants in your hair...

As you defiantly remain so "deliberately barren", using aids of common sexual protection in support of the potential PM, Julia "Skanky Spice" Gillard (circa 1998) whilst driving your poor mother to the brink of insanity, though rest easy (I guess):

 In truth, it seems most likely the Leading Lady gets none at all off her tres camp "partner", Tim, thus rendering her an impossibility in terms of giving Granny and Grandad Gillard a chance to make up for a nightmarish stint in what can only be deemed as bad parenting - 

And there will always be someone to inadvertently refer to the idea that you are evolving in time...

As Alec Baldwin says in 30 Rock: "I'm nearly 50! That's like a woman at 32!" and he isn't just a Baldwin brother cos he looks like a penguin neither..

Herein lies a significant issue: women have had much thrust upon them since the old days of sex CBD style (like Oxford St at any given hour really) the series. Now, the likes of Tina Fey writes subtle, unrelenting humour that doesn't patronise women by in turn patronising women...And let's not even go to the sad inevitability that is, J.Gill, sighhhh...!

Well, whatever the cause, singledom is all the more pressing and hence a quick-fix solution must be offered by way of the twitter notion, 140 should give me the lowdown, that and how many follow you...

Don't cave gf (sorry if that actually means: Get Fucked) you aren't quite there in a mass realm of recently divorced mumsy's with full custody as an asset.

A new study finds nearly a quarter of couples met online, with predictions of this taking over our entire notion of chancing upon that special someone...that's if you ignore the proceeding article that, like Prince, deems the web as we know it to be a virtual goner...

Call me a hapless romantic, but is this the new era of love at first site- don't knock my cheap puns, please...

Dang though, I was horrified by some mate's past endeavours to find "The One" by logging on as "SHY/CUTIE/SEXY_GAL3889" choose the appropriate cliche or something coyly akin, to meet the perfect match: "SHY/LUVABLE/HOTTTT_GUY6578978" (ie, Chronic Masturbator)

Inevitably, he pertains to be of GSOH, DTE characteristics, open to the possibility of kids, but not if it means you'll end up fat with matching stretch marks 

-but hey! they did specify you needed to possess an either: athletic/slim/possible eating disordered type of build for this earthly gem - you, on the other hand; need not have kids right now = skank w baggage - not very DTE appealing to his GSOH-

Only it turns out he is the same douchebag you might have come across at your local, but hey, at least then the beer goggles are on, and you don't need to know of his own ridiculously high standards that come with paying for dates.

And so I present to you! All you single white/black/otherwise female/male/hermaphrodite/post/pre-op transsexuals:

skankfree.com - it's blind dating, on crack! **

The ONLY online dating service that promises a screening process more arbitrary and ill-fated as the proposed internet filter in accordance with "dating community standards" which will make up a blacklist containing RC or Refutable Carnality..

RC will not be tolerated and will include the likes of:

• Crack dealers awaiting a new moll to bring back the crystal meth twinkle to his eye
• Those that only feel accomplished upon having their number immortalised near a urinal trough
• Dutch courage misogynists (you know the type, if not: email me..)
• Anyone that is looking for someone non-descript: ie, easygoing, likes to socialise, errr, yeah
• Anyone warping her sexual identity in order to appear alluring
• Any dudes using their exorbitant bank balances to finance a series of well-meaning one night stands, only to discover, the potential mate wasn't DTE enough...
• NO MID LIFE CRISES in any way, shape or form

As much as me mumsy may cringe at this, I am unable to use these Eros-esque powers to alter my own single status, so i may as well capitalise on my Fiddle on the Roof reprisal..

Hey man I am about as Yiddish as anyone you've ever met! I have even starred in a Woody Allen play, that's how core I can be! 

So, all the single ladies let me hear you go:

Matchmaker, matchmaker: make me a match

Find me a find...catch me a catch 

just remember: NO SKANKS!!

* as of this moment the "skankfree" concept is hereby patented so all you boring blogger-heads out there who can't be bothered with anything, like, fresh...bugger off! you wouldn't even get past the 1st screening process...

**just as a matter of thought, how much more hilarious is it when using simile with the additional "on crack" disclaimer! see, ABC 24/7 (Auntie's on crack!!!!)

Why narcissism boosts your online following

Whilst for many, the opportunity - indeed, the encouragement - to utilise the web as a means of publishing your diary or nearest equivalent (particularly if you intern within a government agency) is a dream come true for many.

For all too long people were unaware that your room's a mess, you just got all your exam results back - and with exceedingly great results to boot - and that you just cannot, CANNOT wait for the premiere of Junior Masterchef.

Even by way of 140 characters, abbreviations are adapting, arguably at the expense of the English language, twitter just won't die out of the fad period.

With the (favourable) exception of my mumsy, who thankfully protects her professional discretion as a psychiatrist, bloody everyone is on facebook.

Each day carefully tending the Farmville harvest whilst posting another lot of photos you scanned through from 10 years ago or in the case of my auntie in Israel, regaling second place in a bridge competition.

But would you believe that for many people, twitter is a bloody nightmare, and yet: a Necessary Evil.

For wannabe journos anyhow. If Tom can get a job simply by launching an innovative blogger page, then you can imagine how many similar pipedreams are born around this very notion.

I do feel self-conscious over the perverse number of social networks that I belong to; albeit, half-arsedly, but in this day a new existential crisis has arisen: if it's not on facebook, it doesn't exist...

This is obviously the feeling of another good mate - and comrade - who is on twitter purely to better her chances of securing employment within the ABC...


Her current following stands at around 10 - and I say this not at all scathingly: hell I don't exactly have any potential as a cult leader if twitter is any kind of indicator - but may soon surge into the hundreds.

Well, thanks to a couple of throwaway lines from myself, she is learning just how easily one can blow their own trumpet in the nonchalant fashion of twitter and it's been a breakthrough..

For example, whilst using the 2ser twitter login to plug some wares or another, I asked her how long it took her to get 2ser onboard with her own account.

Wide-eyed with awe, she was amazed by the genius notion, and has since gotten to the stage of suggesting (read, coercing) others to RT her tweets.

I may just have created a monster...

Why does the idea of a musical intelligentsia scare you so?

Given our current musical landscape, it is hardly surprising that the brain work is notably absent from the majority of musical compositions..




In an era of jailbait chart-toppers and the MDMA sampling culture - "Blow my whistle, bitch!" - churned out across clubs all over the world, good lyrics are hard to come by...


Particularly when faced with the daunting predicament of belonging to the "punk genre" where your mark is made from telling ditties accompanied by gritty and minimal instrumentals...


A far cry from anarchy in any vicinity, the average pub-band punks I believe was best epitomised at a recent "live acoustic" set behind work  where the repertoire consisted of working class anthems such as "Pissing in the Shower" and "Called her a BITCCHHHHH!!" 


Whilst perhaps not quite what the Hammersmith crowd were hoping to leave in its wake, it is fair to say that lyrics have lost significance over time..


Where then do we fit the storytellers of the old school era: those who wish to evoke a telling visual picture with the most complex of their songwriting tools: a healthy vocabulary and an appreciation for  poetic style...


Hence my joy and elation is materialising once again as my favourite singer, Australia's answer to the postmodern musical Bard, Darren Hanlon (left) has achieved yet another milestone, his latest musical magnum opus, "I Will Love You at All"*..


For those who enjoy music to serve a wallpaper purpose, quickly tune out those short attention spans and resume youtube trawling, but for those who pine for genuine, attention-grabbing ditties, here is just one couplet exemplary of the genius of Darren "Dazza Hazza" Hanlon:

I finally got around to vacating the nest

But my knowledge of survival was pedestrian at best... 

That is why I regale Dazza and have done so for ten many happy years...It's been a decade since his amazing minimalist compositions jam-packed with lyrical insight and yearning have given me goosebumps and it feels like only yesterday..


So I wish all of those out there who appreciate the art of "cerebral songwriting" a happy anniversary to whomever you have stayed musically committed towards...


don't forget the relationship may experience some problems, but a good musical marriage shall outlive petty quibbles... 


* having slight qualms of grammar with title