Why you'll always RSVP with SKANKFREE..(.com)!*

It was a cheap thrill during the height of the Sex and the City hey-day, but 5-10 years later is your promiscuity is only earning you a bad reputation, whilst insisting it is empowering?

Whilst once your "Cadbury's Girl" tag of gettin trashed in a gutter after imbibing a stoli (albeit, them black ones...) was endearing, people are now muttering under their breath now as they carry you over the marital threshold....

...and straight in front of a toilet seat for a night of unrequited passion and despair in a sea of swarming white porcelain and late night macca's remnants in your hair...

As you defiantly remain so "deliberately barren", using aids of common sexual protection in support of the potential PM, Julia "Skanky Spice" Gillard (circa 1998) whilst driving your poor mother to the brink of insanity, though rest easy (I guess):

 In truth, it seems most likely the Leading Lady gets none at all off her tres camp "partner", Tim, thus rendering her an impossibility in terms of giving Granny and Grandad Gillard a chance to make up for a nightmarish stint in what can only be deemed as bad parenting - 

And there will always be someone to inadvertently refer to the idea that you are evolving in time...

As Alec Baldwin says in 30 Rock: "I'm nearly 50! That's like a woman at 32!" and he isn't just a Baldwin brother cos he looks like a penguin neither..

Herein lies a significant issue: women have had much thrust upon them since the old days of sex CBD style (like Oxford St at any given hour really) the series. Now, the likes of Tina Fey writes subtle, unrelenting humour that doesn't patronise women by in turn patronising women...And let's not even go to the sad inevitability that is, J.Gill, sighhhh...!

Well, whatever the cause, singledom is all the more pressing and hence a quick-fix solution must be offered by way of the twitter notion, 140 should give me the lowdown, that and how many follow you...

Don't cave gf (sorry if that actually means: Get Fucked) you aren't quite there in a mass realm of recently divorced mumsy's with full custody as an asset.

A new study finds nearly a quarter of couples met online, with predictions of this taking over our entire notion of chancing upon that special someone...that's if you ignore the proceeding article that, like Prince, deems the web as we know it to be a virtual goner...

Call me a hapless romantic, but is this the new era of love at first site- don't knock my cheap puns, please...

Dang though, I was horrified by some mate's past endeavours to find "The One" by logging on as "SHY/CUTIE/SEXY_GAL3889" choose the appropriate cliche or something coyly akin, to meet the perfect match: "SHY/LUVABLE/HOTTTT_GUY6578978" (ie, Chronic Masturbator)

Inevitably, he pertains to be of GSOH, DTE characteristics, open to the possibility of kids, but not if it means you'll end up fat with matching stretch marks 

-but hey! they did specify you needed to possess an either: athletic/slim/possible eating disordered type of build for this earthly gem - you, on the other hand; need not have kids right now = skank w baggage - not very DTE appealing to his GSOH-

Only it turns out he is the same douchebag you might have come across at your local, but hey, at least then the beer goggles are on, and you don't need to know of his own ridiculously high standards that come with paying for dates.

And so I present to you! All you single white/black/otherwise female/male/hermaphrodite/post/pre-op transsexuals:

skankfree.com - it's blind dating, on crack! **

The ONLY online dating service that promises a screening process more arbitrary and ill-fated as the proposed internet filter in accordance with "dating community standards" which will make up a blacklist containing RC or Refutable Carnality..

RC will not be tolerated and will include the likes of:

• Crack dealers awaiting a new moll to bring back the crystal meth twinkle to his eye
• Those that only feel accomplished upon having their number immortalised near a urinal trough
• Dutch courage misogynists (you know the type, if not: email me..)
• Anyone that is looking for someone non-descript: ie, easygoing, likes to socialise, errr, yeah
• Anyone warping her sexual identity in order to appear alluring
• Any dudes using their exorbitant bank balances to finance a series of well-meaning one night stands, only to discover, the potential mate wasn't DTE enough...
• NO MID LIFE CRISES in any way, shape or form

As much as me mumsy may cringe at this, I am unable to use these Eros-esque powers to alter my own single status, so i may as well capitalise on my Fiddle on the Roof reprisal..

Hey man I am about as Yiddish as anyone you've ever met! I have even starred in a Woody Allen play, that's how core I can be! 

So, all the single ladies let me hear you go:

Matchmaker, matchmaker: make me a match

Find me a find...catch me a catch 

just remember: NO SKANKS!!

* as of this moment the "skankfree" concept is hereby patented so all you boring blogger-heads out there who can't be bothered with anything, like, fresh...bugger off! you wouldn't even get past the 1st screening process...

**just as a matter of thought, how much more hilarious is it when using simile with the additional "on crack" disclaimer! see, ABC 24/7 (Auntie's on crack!!!!)

Why Children Should be Seen and Not Heard

They especially aren't worth hearing if they are as determined as this young whipper snapper, like so many other young and socially deprived pubescents with a knack for robotic like communications.

Kind of along the lines of Stephen Hawking (but who could argue, the guy is damn smart...he managed to summarise the history of time AND used his subsequent fame to seduce his nurse... how cliched!)

As usual, I digress, this was a story posted on the excellent National Public Radio (NPR) site. Check out the story, here! 

Why you should just invest in a photo album...

Intellectual property rights...who even really thinks about 'em? Well, if you have a myspace, facebook or fictionpress account like most of the digital world, you ought to think twice before you post, as I learnt from this feature article...which, by the way, earned me a distinction in advanced print features...woo hoo!

So, bear this in mind and don't steal anyone's stuff...it's just not nice corporate scumbags!!

The Ultimate Face-Off: Intellectual Property Rights on Social Networking Websites –

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but so long as the internet is involved, it may also be worth a thousand problems.

Social networking websites - such as facebook and myspace - under a clause that is clicked on when a user originally signs up, has led to anyone’s published thoughts, happy snaps or desires being considered fair game.

“When you sign onto something on the internet, I like I’d imagine 99.99% of people don’t read those conditions,” says Bill Childs, online legal expert and professor at the University of Technology, Sydney.

“And yet, during that act of button pressing you are probably agreeing to the terms of a contract. It becomes an invisible thing, but it is a some thing.”

And that some thing ultimately means the notion of intellectual property is instantly null and void once you enter cyberspace.

Songwriter and filmmaker, Nikki Malvar, came to this realisation the hard way when she found out that someone had stolen one of her posted stories

“I had an account on fictionpress, I would update it, and one day someone sent me a message that said ‘click on this’” Malvar says. “I looked at it and my work was on this girl’s page without any attribution to me or anything and she passed it off as hers.”

This led Malvar to delete her entire account on fictionpress – if you visit her page on fictionpress, “euphemisms for luke warm tragedies”, you will be greeted with the following vitriolic message:

“ Gone
because plagiarism is a bitch…”

The lack of knowledge about what rights users may retain can be problematic, after that button pressing action automatically agrees to the terms and conditions.

When questioning other work she continues to post on myspace, youtube and facebook and whether it too, may be pilfered, Malvar is vague.

“I don’t really know the ways I can be protected, but I really haven’t done the research or explored my options at the moment, but I guess there would be ways.” she says.

“I actually read somewhere that myspace makes you surrender the copyrights to your music,” Malvar goes on to say. “I don’t know how true that is, but as an artist I want to retain the copyright on my stuff.”

According to Childs, this is very true, and users should not expect any protection once something is posted online.

“I generate a copyright of my own within taking a photo, but these rights cease to exist once I publish it online. The only way I can be pretty sure I’m defending my copyright is to leave that photo right here on my desk.”

Something that Hansika Bhagani found out after her facebook photos became subject to a nationwide scandal, after she and some friends had an encounter with the Indian cricket team.

“We went clubbing with some of the members when they were here in January,” she says. “Some of us had cameras so we took heaps of photos of us all together, drinks in hand.”

The team and Bhagani became friends on facebook, and one of her friends posted the pictures that were taken while out together.

About six months later, the photos were subject to a major controversy.

“Apparently, a South Indian newspaper had published the photos, inaccurately described them as pictures of the Indian cricket team partying in Karachi and furthermore, explained in an article that because the players had been partying in on a French beach in Karachi the night before the Asia Cup, their performance suffered and they lost the game. “

This became a major news item. “If you google, ‘Indian cricketers partying in Karachi’, the photos will come up.” says Bhagani.

And indeed, when googling this very term, a multitude of hits come up, including newspaper, articles, televised news reports and forum discussions all devoted to this very night in question.

Not that it bothers Bhagani too much.

“I don't really feel like my rights were violated since the photos were put up in a public place, and quite frankly, I'm sort of pleased to be part of a scandal!”

So once you put the photo up in public, you no longer have protective rights over it. But this is also applicable when it comes to your own image being taken by someone else.

“I could take your picture right now and publish it all across the world and you would have absolutely no idea…you don’t have any right to your own image.” He says. “I mean you’ve got issues but I really don’t think you have any legal rights, if you want to use them and how are you going to use them anyway?”

And such issues were experienced by regular facebook user, Timothy McIntyre, who vehemently believes in the right to protect his own image.

“I get majorly annoyed by the idea that people can take photos and tag me in them and display them and send them around to everybody without my permission,” he says.

Particularly, such as in McIntyre’s case, where the photos may have defamatory implications.

“Last year a guy I didn't know very well sent facebook and myspace photos around with captions that he had put on them himself, implying that I had cheated on my girlfriend with a girl that I was drunkenly snapped with my arm around.”

This led to others suggesting that McIntyre was unfaithful towards his beloved girlfriend, which eventually led McIntyre to snap.

“I asked the guy repeatedly to take the pictures down, to which he replied that he could do whatever he wanted. It came to a head at a party one night, when I was thrown out after breaking his nose.”

So it can all get a bit nasty, but clearly such social networking sites provide some degree of opportunity to original content creators who otherwise wouldn’t be able to showcase their work.

“It’s because of youtube that I have a few contacts and offers to use my work for other projects,” says Malvar of the benefits the virtual world has provided for her artistic ventures.

“From my view I wouldn’t have had that same exposure but at the same time, it’s not right to just have people come and take your stuff.”

Childs says that it may not be right, but it is well within other people’s rights.

“I would say to anyone who took issue with it that you have surrendered those rights, they yield them.” Says Childs of maintaining intellectual property rights.

To Malvar, this thought is a scary one.

“It really isn’t a good thing, because for us struggling artists I think the internet gives us this platform for exposure, and if there’s such a difficulty in retaining your copyright, then what’s the best thing,” she says, and after a significant pause. “I don’t know.”

By way of suggestion, she offers up the idea for a mutual agreement to be established between the likes of myspace and the content provider, and also believes that bodies such as the Australasian Performers Rights Association (APRA) should have more of an active role.

“I think that there should be like some sort of commercial agreement, like itunes, where myspace gets a certain percent of the profit and the artist gets the majority,” she says. “But APRA should really get more involved.”

But Childs believes that this sort of outlook is completely unrealistic

“APRA is just about politics.” He says. “I have dealt with them many times, in the High Court and to say that APRA has any concern with anyone other than the major commercial artists and composers is frankly just naïve.”

If the situation for intellectual property online seems bleak, it is probably due to the fact that it cannot be properly regulated, something that Childs has long argued.

“I think that it’s unrealistic to believe in regulating or controlling these areas, because it’s just too wide.”

Copyright and contract law would be unable to keep up with the times as they continue to change, from a legal and a social standpoint.

“I don’t pretend you, even contract lawyers don’t know how contracts work,” says Childs.

But all faith need not necessarily be lost. According to Bhagani, wrongs may sometimes be righted.

“The BCCI (The Board for Control of Cricket in India) cleared the matter up with the players involved and issued a statement, rectifying the situation.” She says, once it was revealed that the story was of an untrue nature.

There are also groups on facebook that aim to point users out to the finer points of their virtual agreement that is clicked on when signing up to an account.

This body of knowledge is slowly becoming more accessible to keep people who use such sites in the know.

But as the internet changes, one thing probably won’t: it’s the lack of regulation which currently governs it, which Childs appreciates.

“I think too much regulation is a bad thing, but then, it all comes down to personal involvement,” he says. “If it was a problem for me then I would certainly be more inclined towards pushing for the internet to be regulated.”

So while on these sites, it may be fun to have a massive social contact list, or if you are one of Kevin Rudd’s two thousand odd friends (and counting) an opportunity to launch a virtual taser attack, just don’t be deluded into believing in the existence of online intellectual property.

The bottom line is that if you want to keep those precious memories sacred, it may be advisable to just get a photo album.