Why I'm Just Like Bono....

After attending the extravaganza that was U23D at the overhyped IMAX theatre in tacky Darling Harbour (can you sense the resentment I was already facing..?) I was told that I'm the Bono reincarnate...Well hey, those 3D glasses are pretty cool...

I wouldn't usually pay $25 to get in anywhere (the music world is nothing but capital scum, nowadays, but that's a whole new post altogether! And yet, here I was, paying this very amount to, essentially see a movie...

When it got to the stage where Bono's wearing a stupid bandana with nonsensical letters and crude religious symbols (you WISH you were a jew, mate...) i was inwardly groaning...when the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was slowly and robotical;ly being recited I inwardly hurled up my entire overpriced QVB meal...

There was one stage during the "gig" where Bono grabs a fellow U2er (The Edge, maybe?) and plants a smacking big kiss on his lips...now, the homophobics out of the hundreds who attended couldn't really stand the sight of this (especially not in 3D) and an audible gasp escaped them...I was hoping that this was more of a godfather kind of way, as in a perhaps untimely ending (or maybe a horse head under Bono's silken sheets..)

But this isn't some gasbagging rant on how much i hate bono, or U23D (although i do and did..), it's about my supreme likeness to said frontman...

It's all embedded in another GLORIA JEAN'S scandal...and you thought their support of Hillsong and Mercy Ministries was the extent of it...well actually it's pretty commonplace now: it seems that most major coffee franchises now do remote communities in the likes of PNG and Tibet out of business with their importation of crud beans (a scandal in itself..)

So by the end of the night, my friend (no names, let's just call her, G-Banger) floating in an ethereal cloud of U2 bliss (but I think even the Human Rights stuff was a bit much for her) she proposes a coffee at none other than evil GLORIA JEAN'S, to which I must explain my objections.

At this, her eyes lit up:

"Migs!" she cried in delight. "You're just like Bono"

I'm ready for the kiss of death...